Nine gay guys and a partridge in a pear tree

This holiday season has treated me nicely and provided me with a few things I'd like to share.

Before Christmas, I returned to my apartment to find Landlady waiting anxiously by the door to the building. I walked in, said hello and moved to my mailboxes. I asked her if anything was wrong and she told me that she found some suspicious people in the building, had asked them to leave and then called the police, who she was waiting for. She said she went in the elevator with them just to make sure they were leaving. At this point, she says they started saying, "motherfucker this, and cunt that." There are few things more hilarious than a 70 year old woman telling you how she was called a cunt. Or just a 70 year old saying the word cunt. It never gets old. (also, another story is via my father who said, as we were driving on Paulina to dinner, "there are three streets in Chicago that rhyme with vagina. Paulina, Molina (which, to my knowledge is not a street) and Rant." I looked at him laughing, understood where this joke was going and said, " you mean, Lunt?" He laughed a little more and said, "right, Lunt." My brother didn't quite get it at first, so I said, "Lunt...Cunt...get it." David looked at me, appalled and said, "I can't believe you just said cunt in front of our parents." I didn't start it.) So the police come, I leave. I call Landlady later to check that everything was ok. She starts on about how she is old and is a "ballsy old broad" and how she has become this way with age (which I highly doubt). She says to me, verbatim, "There is this old proverb that I just made up that states..." It isn't important what the old proverb she made up states. It is more important to acknowledge Landlady for the philosopher that she is.

In other Landlady news, I saw her after christmas with my brother. I asked her how she was to which she responded, "I've been hung over for 5 days. The doctor says it is because of my GERD." I said, "So you had a good time over Christmas?" She says, "Good time? I ended up passed out on the floor with nine gays guys and my dog on top of me." Good time indeed.

I spent some quality time with several of my friends this holiday season. Rud made a pit stop in Elgin which included empanadas was capped off with a beer at Dutch Inn West. Wow. I'd never been before. I always thought it was a place where old dudes sat and drank beer all day, like Moe's on the Simpsons. I wasn't far off. But there were also a lot of young, really drunk people there too. Also, there are hipsters in Elgin. Who knew? Rud was sporting some SERIOUS chops. As a huge fan of facial hair I give it two thumbs way up. It was an awesome time. I hung out with Didi and Adolphus and some old high school folks as well. The lawyer to non lawyer ratio at the table was 1:1 which is downright scary. However, I'm sure some time in my life I will run into a situation where legal advice is needed, so it is good to know I can get a first, second, third through 100th opinion on whatever my situation might be. At one point over dinner we were having a conversation about flashing, or poop or waxing and Erin said, "I think we had this same conversation seven years ago." There is a part of me that likes to see how old friends have changed, but there is also that part of me that feels good knowing some things never change.

More than anything, I watched a shit ton of TV. I watched the entire first season of Extras and the Ali G show, both of which are hilarious. I'm not sure, but I think I might be developing a bit of a crush on Ricky Gervais. My crush for Sacha Baron Cohen was cemented some time ago so these recent Ali G episodes really only fueled the fire. Also, I watched Wayne's World, Ghostbusters, Who framed Roger Rabbit and Groundhog Day. What I learned from these movies is 1. Cars looked funny in the 80's and early 90's. I can't wait to see what cars of the future look like. 2. Bill Murray is a stud. 3. Wayne's World introduced me to a lot of rock songs that to this day take me back to Aurora, IL when I hear them. I also watched Night at the Museum, Notes on a Scandal, Thank you for Smoking and Little Miss Sunshine. These movies taught me much less about myself except that I LOVE Little Miss Sunshine. (Don't even try and log the number of hours it would require to watch this much TV because first, you will be baffled at how a living, breathing person can sit on her ass for that long and then you will realize you have grossly underestimated the number because I am not even including the fact that I watched 50 First Dates 3 times, simply because it was on.)

I did not make New Year's resolutions. I have in the past and not one of them has come to fruition. Sure I'd like to lose weight and exercise more. I'd also like to shower more frequently and blow dry my hair more often. I could also try keeping my apartment from looking like a mentally ill person lives there and taking more public transportation. But saying that I'm going to do these things and actually doing them are two VERY different things. So why start the year off on a note of pending disappointment. If I accomplish any of these things I will be pleasantly suprised. Instead, I made a New Year's wish. It is like a birthday wish when you blow out the candles, but only more powerful because you have the weight of the earth's rotation thrusting it into being. I'll let you know if the thrust was strong enough by Dec. 31st 2007 at the latest.

I think that is most of what I wanted to say to you all. If there is more, I will use it for another blog entry, hopefully in the not so distant future. That could have been another resolution, blogging more, but I'm pretty sure I made that one last year and hopped on the disappointment train early. Let's try something new this year, shall we?