How to make a man swoon: strangle him.

"Plan a guy’s dream nightDinner at a fancy restaurant? A moonlit ride in a horse-drawn carriage? This might be your idea of a night of bliss, but he’d rather kick it back at home, watch some TV on the flat screen, and make out. Sure, guys are romantics, but they’re also a bit lazy. They don’t require extravagant dates with exotic itineraries, where they have to dress up and spend lots of cash. Save that for your special night on the town. The recipe to his dream night is much simpler. All you need to supply is: Great entertainment (rent a guy classic movie, such as Old School or The Big Lebowski); great food (pizza with any meat topping or steak burritos will suffice); and great company. As long as you show up, he’s happy as a clam. "

The above recently appeared on msn's dating and personals site. It comes from an "article" little ways to make him swoon by Jonathan Small. The article in general didn't offer me any mind blowing swooning techniques (1. I already make mix cds, 2. emails? Are you kidding me? and 3. Ego stroking isn't my deal. If they need their ego stroked then they need not be with me). I was a little disgusted by the above suggestion of a dinner in. The frustrating part is that pretty much every suggestion Mr. Small mentioned for an ideal guy's night is my ideal. I resent i him calling The Big Lebowski a guy's movie. It's not. It is a multisexed, androgynous movie for males, females and trangenders. Why do guy's get movies that are funny and enjoyable, while girls get How to lose a guy in 10 days and Two Weeks Notice? Why do I have to feel less feminine for loving The Big Lebowski? Also, why does a woman's idea of a ideal meal have to be a skimpy portion of salmon or one roll of sushi? Mr. Small, did you ever stop to think that when a gal gets a "special" meal where she can eat anything she wants, she might want a big, fat chipotle burrito or a meatlovers pizza? I just resent that it is implied that these things are manly things and the women who love them must then be manly too. I'm not the most delicate flower in the bouquet, I'll grant you that. However, there are sturdy, pizza eating, Big Lebowski watching, homebody flowers too. And they are beautiful flowers all the same. Probably the thing that I am most offended by is Smally's implication that if a woman takes a man out on an expensive date, the man is going to pay. First of all, if the lass is taking the lad out for a night on the town to make him swoon, I assume she's paying. If my presence was requested at a 5 star, $80 a plate dinner, I sure as hell wouldn't be paying, so why expect the guy to do the same? And why imply that a lady can't take her man out on her own dime? What kind of women do you know, Smally? So bite me with your "guy classic movies," bite me with your man only food, and really F off with your "expecting to pay even though you were invited out because you are a man and men pay" ways. If I were going to make you swoon I would feed you a dollop of caviar on tiny crackers followed by pate and broth while you were dressed in a tuxedo and watching Gigli. I'd swoon you right out the door, you idiot. I'm never reading msn for man swooning advice again...at least not until tomorrow.