Torture

Devil thy name is dental equipment.

I went to the dentist this weekend. I went for the first time in about 5 years 6 months ago, and at that time they asked me if I wanted to schedule an appointment for my 6 mo check up. I said, "sure". Why not be responsible about my dental care? Ill tell you why. Because going to the dentist is the most terrible thing one has to go through in life. First of all, I really think once every six months is excessive. Once a year I can see, but once every 6 months? I think that is a little anal. Secondly, the equipment they use could be displayed in the Medival Times hall of torture devices. They have this new thing (at least new since five years ago, it may be what shown in the picture, though my eyes were glued shut from pain while it was being used, so I really don't know) where they scrap and shoot water into your gums and between your teeth. I was literally covered in water when this was done. Thirdly, I don't understand why it is SO crazy that gums get inflammed and bloody when they are flossed. This is soft tissue we are talking about. If I put wire in between my toes I wouldn't be suprised if they started to bleed. I don't floss and so perhaps the bleeding and puffiness stops eventually. But I don't think that it is normal to make them that way in the first place. The dental assistant showed me how to gently massage my lower gums. This seems to be the problem area. I asked her why only my front gums got this way. She said it's probably from eating, the front teeth do a lot of the biting into hard food. Her technical definition was, "food gets in there and then your biology starts a reaction that makes it puffy. It's just your biology acting up." My biology? What does that mean? I mean, I think I know what it means, but did she? If she would have said "cells" or "immune system" I might have been convinced that she knew what she was talking about. Anyway, I have to go in a month for them to make sure my puffiness went down. Truth is, it is already down. The only reason it was puffy is because I flossed for the first time in 6 months the day before my appointment and my gums were revolting. However, I told them I floss twice a week and this is a normal occurence that usually goes away. I fear I might have to actually floss for a month to prove my gums can hack it. After the dental assistant was done cleaning, she said to me while peeling off her gloves covered in my gum blood, " Well, you have great salivary glands." Whats that supposed to mean? I am extra drooly? Not everyone's mouth responds to being held open for 30 minutes at a time by producing gallons of spit? Not everyone has to be wiped off with the bib when they spit into the suction cup? Well I'll be damned. I guess I'm just special. Needless to say, I did not make an appointment for six months from now because honestly, I don't think I'm going to go to the dentist anymore. Don't try and talk me out of it. The decision has been made.