A Database of Jews

Last night I received a phone call at about 8:30pm. It was a telemarketer on a mission from God. Sometimes when telemarketers call I like to hear them out. Who knows, they might offer me a million dollars no strings attached just cause I stayed on the phone. Also, telemarketers are people too, and I'd hate to hurt my fellow man by hanging up on him abruptly. Though I must admit that it is a little embarrassing when Timelife calls me and says, "Ms. Aron, we see that you recently purchased Beavis and Butthead's first three volumes. How are you enjoying those so far?" I know these are people in their middle age years laughing about the ignoramus who bought beavis and butthead's first three seasons(though I do enjoy them). I almost want to engage them in conversation to see if they too enjoy Beavis, or if they prefer Butthead. Last night a gentleman called from the United Jewish Federation or something like that. You could tell he had a script because there was a long pause between each question. It was almost like he was anticipating me hanging up on him. He told me how the Jewish people had struggled over the years and how in these trying times it was important for Jews to stick together and help their own. The federation or what have you has been helping Jews across the world and in the chicagoland for years. Now, at this point I realized that he must know Im a Jew. I can't imagine calling a clan member and asking them for money to help the Jewish cause. But how did he know? How did he know!? After his schpiel about the greatness of Jews and yadda yadda yadda, he said, "So can we count on you to donate $150 by years end?" $150!!!! Who does this guy think I am? Money bags? So I said, "No, I can't afford that." He said, " What about $50?" Me, "Nope." Him, " How about $36 (I don't know where he got 36 from)" and I said, "No." Now, it wasn't so much that I couldn't afford $36 for my fellow brethren, but to be honest, I am weary of organizations that only help their own. Especially religious organizations. I'd much rather give much cash to health research, feeding hungry kids or NPR. So then I asked this gentleman who I believe was not Jewish (don't ask me why),"How did you get my number?" and he said, and very curtly I might add, " Our database." I said, "you have a database of JEWS!?" He said, "Yes." and then hung up on me. 1. I won because he hung up on me before I hung up on him. 2. Maybe if he asked me for $3.56 I would have given it to him, I think he stopped a little short with $36. 3. A database of Jews?! How is that possible? How did I get on that list? I never signed a Jewish guestbook or signed up for Jewish emails. I never even went on J-date. Jews aren't necessarily the most beloved group of folks either. Some people seem to have it in for us. And if the day comes where they want to find some Jews quick, my blond hair and Christmas tree love aren't going to save me. If I'm on a database of Jews, I imagine that would be the kiss of death. But what the hell. I'm a Jew and I'm proud, so if I'm on some database, well, maybe I should be proud. I worry that I am "not Jewish enough" sometimes, but like I said, if I'm on a database reserved only for Jews, that must mean I'm a true blue Jew. This database will hold up in Israel right? I can use it as proof if they doubt my heritage? These are questions I should have asked before the telemarketer hung up. To be honest, in writing this blog, I realize that I get a catalog from the Jewish Federation. It has stuff like menorrah's and skull caps and dreidels. I think my mom signed me up for a subscription as a Christmas gift last year along with Newsweek and Bon Appetite. And just like an episode of Law and Order, the mystery of this blog has been solved in one hour(as sad as it is, that is how long it took for me to write this).