Michelle

Ode to Michelle:

Ohhhh Michelle, how you make me chuckle,
Thank you for the belt with the big fat buckle.
You're an Icelandic beauty, so very hot,
When the fellas look at you it's as if they were shot.
I've see you shake it, I've seen you move,
When Chingy comes on you sure do groove.
Your little daughter is a mini you,
She even talks to me while she poos.
You crack me up with your cross eyed glare,
Sometimes you treat me a little unfair.
Like when you read the blog I am dedicating to you,
Even when I tell you, "It's just not through!"
You make me yell in my exocist voice,
Now I'll be horse, and I have no choice.
But bottom line, your cooking is supurb,
My appetite is one thing you sure don't curb.
You're attitude keeps people in line,
While they're really just thinking, "Girl, you so fine!"
To work with you is to laugh all day,
I hope that this beautiful friendship never slips away.

And all this time Michelle thought I was writing crap about her. Just goes to show you.
What, I'm not really sure...but I know it shows you something.

Superstream does the MCAT

I am currently taking an MCAT class because my life was too depressing before and I really needed something fun for my summer. Basically I have come to the realization that 1.) the people who write the MCAT are sick mother fuckers who like to torture overachieving premeds. If I didn't have to take the test, I would probably buy them all a round of beers for being so clever and sadistic. For now, however, I hate them. 2.) I am fearful for the future of medicine. My classmates are an interesting bunch. First, we have Frank.* I'm not convinced that Frank is all that smart of a guy. He comments on everything without the slightest care of whether or not it is relevant to the conversation. He chews his gum loudly and is always 100% confident he got the right answer (I know because he tells us) until his answer is wrong, which it usually is. Not saying that my answers are usually right, but I don't exclaim my superior test taking skills to the class and then fight for 20 minutes about how my wrong answer is actually correct. Then there is Joey.* Joey appears to be about 13, yet he is in his junior year of whatever university. He rarely talks but when he does, his thick Indian accent masks whatever he is saying. He is actually a very nice, smart person, just young and incomprehensible. The last noteworthy person is Juliet,* AKA superstream. When the teacher messes up and apologizes, she proclaims, "It's ok, really, don't worry, ooohhh, no, it's ok." It's not like the guy pooped in his pants and is mortified, he just forgot a decimal place. She picks stupid examples for our essay writing and giggles all the time for no reason. Her most annoying characteristic is, by far, her break time behavior. I usually have to use the bathroom at break, as does she. She always dashes for bathroom the minute break is called. I have severe stage fright and if my bladder is given any reason not to empty itself, it won't. I call her superstream because I have never in my life heard someone pee as loudly as she consistantly does. I don't know if the loudness is because she is tall and squats over the pot and there is just more velocity by the time the pee hits the water, or if she always has the fullest bladder ever. Whatever it is, it distracts me and my bladder from doing what we need to do. I have to wait until she leaves to be able to go. I hate her. The rest of the class is peppered with socially awkward individuals, save one or two people. What frightens me the most is that I might fit into the class a little too well.
3.) Ex Physics professors from South Carolina who come to teach Princeton Review are annoying. My physics instructor is the most egotisical and pompous man I have ever met. Perhaps what rubbed me the wrong way was how he gloated that he could have had a 4.0 gpa at Northwestern had he taken Sociology instead of Engineering because the sociology classes were a joke. Anthropology is not all that far from Sociology, so I was offended because I definitely didn't get a 4.0. I wanted to punch that smug little freak right in his pregnant looking stomach. The rest of the instructors are suprisingly delightful. They have personality, lives, and are quite smart. Color me astonished.
So that is what I have learned from my MCAT class, aside from the krebs cycle, glycolysis, thermodynamics and SN1 reactions. Actually I'm lying, I still understand very few of those concepts, but I'm trying...honest.

* Names have been changed to protect the innocent.

For the love of animals

Just a warning, when you search "Alljenny" on google, more than one "animal lover" site comes up as an answer to your query. While I'm an animal lover, I'm not an animal LOVER, just so you aren't confused. I can't no be held responsible for what you will see if you "accidently" click the wrong link.

Festivale de Jenny

I am of the opinion that fireworks shows should be choreographed to music. I used to be a purist and think the fireworks themselves were enough, but after seeing a few shows put to music, I think this is the only way to go.
My show would be in Chicago, maybe on the 4th, maybe on some other special day. Here is my set list.

1. Reel 2 Real- I like to move it.
2. Willie Nelson- On the Road again
3. Tina Turner-Rolling on the River
4. Rolling Stones- Shattered
5. Rage Against the Machine- Testify
6. Muddy Waters- Mannish Boy
7. Salt N' Pepa- Schoop
8. Darkness- I believe in a thing called love
9. Wreckx N' Effect- Rump Shaker
10. Johnny Cash- I've been everywhere
11. 1812 Overature

There would be lots of champagne fireworks and no fireworks of smiley faces. There would also be plenty of little maggot fireworks that look like they are going one way then psych you out. They would drop gumdrops and cookie dough upon the enlivened audience, like mana raining down from the heavens. Grown men would weep. The legend of the show would live on through generations and make it into tall tales that no one could ever believe to be true. But those there to witness the spectacle would know that not only was it true, it was the single most important moment of their lives.