First is the worst...

I was listening to pandora.com which, if you are unfamiliar, allows you to put in bands or songs that you like, and they play it, along with similar sounds that you also might enjoy. It can be pretty hit or miss, especially until you put in a lot of songs you like. So I was listening to my Roisin Murphy Station and up pops a Madonna song. I really don't enjoy Madonna and haven't heard one of her songs in the last 7 years. But I understand some people really love her and claim she is quite the songstress. I have never really disagreed, mostly because I really enjoy the song erotica and would be forced to question my taste. Anyway, the song that came on was I Love New York from her Confessions album. Not only was it bad, it was really, really bad. I'm sharing the lyrics with you to illustrate just how bad it could be.

I don't like cities
But I like new york
Other places make me feel like a dork
Los Angeles is for people who sleep
Paris and London
Baby you can keep

[Chorus]
Other cities always make me mad
Other places always make me sad
No other city ever made me glad except New York
I love New York [X3]

If you don't like my attitude
Then you can F off
Just go to Texas
Isn't that where they golf

New York is not for little pussies who scream
If you can't stand the heat
Then get off my street [repeat]

[Chorus]

I love New York [repeat]
Get off my street [repeat]

I'm sorry, "I like New York, other places I feel like a dork"? I mean, I haven't heard lyrics like this since my trash talking days of four square during recess circa 1989. Seriously, once I accused little Becky L. of ripping one and she countered with, "whoever smelt it dealt it." Not wanting to be out done I starred her down, then rolled my eyes and said, "Becky, whoever made the rhyme did the crime." There was no coming back from that. Madonna must have been listening in on our Girl Scout dance competition when my BFF Katie and I danced our pants off to Wild, Wild West by Club Escape (of which I just looked up the lyrics to and they discuss safe sex. How progressive.). When we told those little bitches, who stole our song Cocomo from the Beach Boys, to F off, we smacked hands then flipped our permed hair around and muttered, " hey, why don't you dorks just go play some golf." While we didn't realize that it was in fact us who were the golf playing dorks in the group, our attitude got the point across and no one stole our song again. Who knew then in my life that dancing may not have been my future career as I dreamed, but rather I could have become a world-renowned pop singer/songwriter. Though I don't really like yoga or nasty red strings tied around my wrist, and I think that is part of the package. Oh well. Madonna, congratulations for succeeding, however the hell you did it. Just stay away from my secret lyric book, thief.

On another note, a Kelly Osbourne song just came on (which is funny because she covered that Madonna song, Papa don't Preach) called Entropy. 1. I might have to give up on this station. It doesn't seem to really understand what I am all about like my Fiona Apple station does. 2. I was thinking yesterday that if I were ever to get a personalized license plate it would say Entropy4. I choose it over enthalpy and Gibbs free energy for its rock n' roll implications and brevity.