Little Buddy in "Chai-town"

A week from yesterday, I had a visit in the form of a little buddy. That's right, Ms. Sarah came for a visit. For those of you who aren't familiar...Sarah is a dear friend of mine who I met while studying abroad in Spain. She now lives in San Francisco. I upped the ante by visiting her along with other Spain buddies in July of last year, so she owed me. But oh the time we had. You know how in life you have friends that make you laugh? But not just any laughing. Hysterical, stop breathing, nonsensical laughing, and all the time. It was great. Our trip included the art institute, a play at the Goodman, some bowling...and lots and lots of food. I'd say the highlight of out feasting was on Saturday evening where we joined Jascha, his sister Alisa, and her husband David at Fogo de Chao. It was David's birthday and apparently he wanted to either celebrate it in style or celebrating by watching Jascha stuff his cute little face with meat. Either way he got what he was looking for. It is a Brazilian style restaurant (though I can't imagine anyone in Brazil eats this much) where they have about 20 kinds of meat on skewers and they come around and keep serving you until you puke. My favorite was the fillet mignon and the rump roast...Jascha the lamb chops and Sarah the bacon wrapped chicken. My only complaint is that if you are going to make a restaurant touting all you can eat meat, make the bathroom stalls those uber private, individual bathroom in a public bathroom types. No woman wants to hear other women pooping and no woman wants to poop with other women listening. That is all I can say. I can't speak to how men feel because maybe they like to hear each other poop. Anyway it was a delicious meal and a wonderful visit from Sarah. It is nice when you can actually keep friends with the cool people you met a long time ago. P.S. She didn't know if it was chi-town or chai-town...either way, they are both stupid and I do like chai.

Jenny gets her romance on.

Ahhh Valentine's Day (yes I know it was over a week ago). The birds were flitting through the air. The bees were buzzing merrily along. The brutally cold wind was darting in and out of buildings. And what's more, Jenny had a date. For the first time in many years, I had a date on Valentine's Day and it wasn't with a box of chocolates and it wasn't with Meg Ryan and Billy Crystal and it wasn't with my parents. No. This year I had a date with my beau, Jascha. You couldn't really ask a for better date on Valentine's Day. I have been pretty bitter about V-day in the past, but this year it was all hearts and cupids for me. We spent the evening at Shaw's Crab House. I even put on a dress and took off my glasses for the occasion. Actually, we made quite the handsome couple if I may say so myself. Both of us decked out in red and black. Jascha was dressed to the nine's in his black suit and shirt and red tie. If I felt a little foolish playing dress up, that was dispelled when we were seated next to a couple in their late teens. At least we got to order wine. Ha. It was a terribly romantic evening with valet parking and high heels and chocolate covered strawberries. However, none of that was even necessary because in the end, Valentine's Day is made by the company you keep, and I had some pretty terrific company on Feb. 14th.

How to make a man swoon: strangle him.

"Plan a guy’s dream nightDinner at a fancy restaurant? A moonlit ride in a horse-drawn carriage? This might be your idea of a night of bliss, but he’d rather kick it back at home, watch some TV on the flat screen, and make out. Sure, guys are romantics, but they’re also a bit lazy. They don’t require extravagant dates with exotic itineraries, where they have to dress up and spend lots of cash. Save that for your special night on the town. The recipe to his dream night is much simpler. All you need to supply is: Great entertainment (rent a guy classic movie, such as Old School or The Big Lebowski); great food (pizza with any meat topping or steak burritos will suffice); and great company. As long as you show up, he’s happy as a clam. "

The above recently appeared on msn's dating and personals site. It comes from an "article" little ways to make him swoon by Jonathan Small. The article in general didn't offer me any mind blowing swooning techniques (1. I already make mix cds, 2. emails? Are you kidding me? and 3. Ego stroking isn't my deal. If they need their ego stroked then they need not be with me). I was a little disgusted by the above suggestion of a dinner in. The frustrating part is that pretty much every suggestion Mr. Small mentioned for an ideal guy's night is my ideal. I resent i him calling The Big Lebowski a guy's movie. It's not. It is a multisexed, androgynous movie for males, females and trangenders. Why do guy's get movies that are funny and enjoyable, while girls get How to lose a guy in 10 days and Two Weeks Notice? Why do I have to feel less feminine for loving The Big Lebowski? Also, why does a woman's idea of a ideal meal have to be a skimpy portion of salmon or one roll of sushi? Mr. Small, did you ever stop to think that when a gal gets a "special" meal where she can eat anything she wants, she might want a big, fat chipotle burrito or a meatlovers pizza? I just resent that it is implied that these things are manly things and the women who love them must then be manly too. I'm not the most delicate flower in the bouquet, I'll grant you that. However, there are sturdy, pizza eating, Big Lebowski watching, homebody flowers too. And they are beautiful flowers all the same. Probably the thing that I am most offended by is Smally's implication that if a woman takes a man out on an expensive date, the man is going to pay. First of all, if the lass is taking the lad out for a night on the town to make him swoon, I assume she's paying. If my presence was requested at a 5 star, $80 a plate dinner, I sure as hell wouldn't be paying, so why expect the guy to do the same? And why imply that a lady can't take her man out on her own dime? What kind of women do you know, Smally? So bite me with your "guy classic movies," bite me with your man only food, and really F off with your "expecting to pay even though you were invited out because you are a man and men pay" ways. If I were going to make you swoon I would feed you a dollop of caviar on tiny crackers followed by pate and broth while you were dressed in a tuxedo and watching Gigli. I'd swoon you right out the door, you idiot. I'm never reading msn for man swooning advice again...at least not until tomorrow.

Say no to stalkers.

So basically the first verse of G unit's "I wanna get to know ya (don't ask why I was listening to this song)" is about a stalker. I mean, hello, she gives you the wrong number, and then you drive by the house and honk your horn. And then, if she comes out, "it's on." I don't think so. If she gave you the wrong number it means she doesn't want your crazy ass calling her for whatever reason. You can then deduce that if she doesn't want to talk to you on the phone, then she definitely doesn't want to see you hanging out in front of her house at night honking your horn. That's just creepy. And if for some reason she does come out, it's not going to be to get "it on." It's going to be to kick your ass for waking her up in the middle of the night acting like a lunatic. Ladies, am I crazy? So fellas, if a girl gives you a fake number, it is a not so subtle hint to leave her alone. For some reason, you creeped her out enough when she was talking to you that she couldn't just say, "Im not interested." She had to lie to get you away from her. That should be another hint right there. So way to go first verse man in G unit, you're certifiably creepy. Way to go.